Saturday, May 19, 2012

MY NEW LIFE


MY NEW LIFE

It is time.  Time to begin again.  A U-Turn if you will. It has been over 2 years since I have written a blog post. I thought of abandoning this old blog and beginning a new one for the new life that I am creating for myself but then I read through a few of my old posts and they take me back to where I once was and how I struggled so. It is me and where I come from.  I still struggle but I want to write my way through  the struggle so it is less of an interference in my new world...my new life.  So, the old blog remains.  It will grow and change over time but the old posts will not be erased.

I say “new life” because after almost 15 years living in an environment that was literally killing me, I am now in a new home which for me is a major LIFE CHANGER. It was a very difficult move for me but I had to do it or die.  I was living in a place with toxic mold that was taking its toll on my body and mind.  It took a good friend who had been through a toxic mold situation in her own home a few years ago to recognize that that was the possible problem to the mystery of my ever declining health and sanity. What was going on with my body made no sense to the doctors but as soon as mold was identified as the culprit, I began to live differently and set my sights on seeking a new place to live.  Though I suffered many of the horrible physical symptoms of exposure to toxic mold, it was the mental ones that took its greatest toll and made the one thing I needed to do so very difficult which was MOVE!  I had one panic attack after the other, anxiety so strong I could hardly leave the house and depression and fatigue that kept me in bed more often than not.  I was TRAPPED in an environment I desperately needed to get out of.  There were no meds that helped though the doctor tried a few.  When I tried to discuss it with friends or family, it was clear that most did not “get it”. Thank heaven for my dear friend Annie Benjamin that pointed me in the right direction of what the issue very well was and it took about a year but I finally got out.  I have only been out a matter of a few weeks and feel like a completely different person. Even my cat Bill is a different person…I mean, cat.  ;-)  

There is such relief is waking up with the rising sun and truly WANTING to get up and tackle the day and to be productive until the sun goes down and go to bed at a regular hour and SLEEP…REALLY REALLY SLEEP and dream....I missed dreaming so much.  I have had insomnia for nearly 4 years and that alone would drive a sane man absolutely batty.
There is so much to share on that time in my life and I will do so here as my new life progresses.  I will keep most of it light because now that I am moving on and feeling better, I find that I can laugh about it on occasion.  I am doing my best to not regret the time lost and there was so much of it but instead to embrace the loss and live a very full life now…TODAY.

I wanted to express how grateful I am to the universe for bringing some really wonderful people into my life when I needed them the most.  I am a very independent person who hates to ask for help but I needed it and a few truly great friends rallied around me without my asking and in essence saved my life.
Now it is up to me to LIVE! I am confident this was a life worth saving and it will be interesting to see how things unfold in the coming year as I dedicate myself to LIVING a whole and creative life.  I made a commitment of one year to turn this once sad sack of a life and bad health into a healthy creative adventure into the unknown, unseen, uncharted territories and begin MY NEW LIFE.

PS The video is the waterfall in the backyard of my new residence.  It was the deal maker on choosing this place for my year of healing. Most of my writing and art will take place outside weather willing and my roommate and I have set up a work space in the room closest to the the great backyard for when the weather is fussy.  ;-)  In Southern California, the weather is usually rather zen so I best invest in some sunscreen.