FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!!

6 year old little girl sits on stoop of elementary school as the sun sets wondering where her mother is…who’s supposed to pick her up. Her auburn hair is a mess. Her clothes are unkempt and mismatched. This is a girl who is obviously dressing herself.

This is how it all starts. And I know how it ends but getting from here to there is more than I bargained for.

It's been a long while since I have officially written much more than the occasional "art/craft" article, blog post or frivolous snarky Facebook status update. This is different. This is about my life albeit I am fictionalizing much of it to protect the guilty. :-)

So, as I sit here tonight with my sweet one true companion of a friend at my side, Mr. Bill Hicks Cat, I stare at these words posted above and I am

right back on that elementary school stoop on that warm September evening at sunset in 1973 not too long before the 37th President of the United States of America would choose to vacate his office at the White House due to some lil' scandal called Watergate.

When this thing that I am working on comes to fruition in its entirety, I might just have Richard Milhouse Nixon to thank for the impetus to FINALLY get down and dirty on my keyboard on a story that has been brewing for a decade now. Whilst viewing Frost/Nixon, I was reminded of this time in my life again and the story I have often felt a need to get on paper.

I will be heading out for a hike tomorrow morning to clear the old cobwebs out of my brain and then back to this crazy world that is the story I am working on. I also have an art "thang" I am doing design work for. I find that one creative activity can often inspire the other. Though I said I was putting my art aside, I did not do so for very long. Out of necessity or sheer addiction, I 'spose.

LIFE IS GOOD is how I will close this entry. It's been easy to be nostalgic as of late with the loss of several childhood icons here in Hollywood...the weird place that I currently live in. It's in your face as ya drive a few blocks down the road from where I live or work. I feel like a stranger in this town and long for home and the good old "folk" back there. But for now, I am here doing what I am certain I am supposed to be doing as there is a drive that no matter how much I try to ignore it, stall it or get distracted from it, I go right back to that keyboard with one more story, one more memory, one more laugh, one more tear....

CREATIVITY BEGATS CREATIVITY

So, I have been in the midst of my lil' writing project so much so that I am taking a bit of a writing retreat to somewhere far away.....from my apartment next week. Some travel plans fell through and I am taking this opportunity to commit to some time by the sea...ocean or whatever puddle of water I can find since water seems to lift the cobwebs from my head and ideas enter some portal into my psyche that only seems to open when water flows and nature abounds. Needless to say, I take far too many showers when desperate for a creative boost here at home.

Though I got a BFA in Theatre Arts with an emphasis on performance (which I got very little opportunity to do during my 4 year stint at university...a future blog post), I have since performed plenty. However, life and other work got in the way for the last few years making it near to impossible to do the stage work I so dearly love but I did do some stand-up since it was something I could write on my own time and commit to only single dates here and there which was doable with my workaholic schedule over the years.

I am now back at square one taking an acting class for the sheer joy of playing. It has been hell getting back on that horse and yet sheer bliss.

The acting has fired up the keyboard so the writing is happening when it was so difficult before.

And doing these things now has opened my mind to some very cool art projects and even a future book proposal.

I have always believed there is power in numbers and really believe that but this time it's not the number of people involved in the project so much as it is the various things I am working on are fueling the others. Much like how John Lennon wrote music and was also an artist. Tony Bennett...Phyllis Diller....performers and artists...and so many actors that are musicians and vice versa...who did not love Harry Connick Jr. in Hope Floats....or Will and Grace, if you will.

So, I am multi-tasking and wearing many hats at this time in my life. Though it is something I am familiar with, now that it is on my own terms vs. wearing many hats for the sake of a 9-5 paycheck, I think ...no, I KNOW that I like it much better.

It's fun to have something started in every room of the house, cooking some dinner (another creative endeavor that gives me such great joy) in the kitchen, dying some fabric in the bathroom, computer fired up with me writing bits of this or that, paper layed out, ready to tear to make a journal in my studio, cat on the couch ready to be pet....what can I say?

It's a beautiful LIFE!!!!

Creativity begats creativity!!!!

A LITTLE BIT O' BUBBLEGUM

I have set aside my paper/fabric art for just a short while to dedicate time to a writing project that has been ready to burst from me for about 10 years now. It has come out in small bits of 10-15 minute sets of stand-up comedy performed at various fund raisers for critters and other venues, in search of the funny in the tragedy and drama of that which we call LIFE. These short sets seem to be the most my Adult A.D.D. brain could seem to put on paper and stage until I finally made a commitment to myself to just do the dang thing Nike style.

Since the project is based on some early childhood experiences, I am forced to visit a time in my life that is conjuring up all sorts of emotions, memories and such. I have walked away from the keyboard several times in tears, some times of joy but often of a broken hearted kind. Needless to say, I break from the project more than I should for someone who really just wants to get it out NOW but it helps in processing the memories and getting them on paper in a way that makes sense for me at this juncture in my life.

Any time I have shared stories of my childhood with friends that were not part of this time in my life, there is often a look of wonder on their faces trying to figure out how I dealt and came out on the other side as sane as I am today, which may not be all that sane in the eyes of some, which I say with a hint of laughter as I type this. It has been family, good friends, art and the stage that have been a great therapy through ALL my life, saving me from the funny farm and by the by, why do that call it “the funny farm”, anyway? With my great love for critters and my personal idiosyncrasies, maybe a “funny farm” is just the place for me. I truly believe that the grace and sanity that my father handled it all with, gave me strength through the years to not let a dysfunctional childhood get in the way of my future adulthood. At least not too much.

I have discovered in finally writing IT down how much music starts playing in the background of my mind as certain stories are put to paper. I have written of it before how music can really affect the state of mind or how certain music is appropriate for particular moods we are in, especially when we are in a creative mood.

I have been made fun of OFTEN by MANY for some of my taste in music. Mind you, I like many different styles of music from Big Band to The Beatles to Amos Lee, Rhett Miller, Nick Drake, even Led Zeppelin & Rascal Flatts. However, I have a great fondness for upbeat 1970’s bubblegum pop, no holds barred. Laugh if you will. You know you secretly like it, too. “I Think I Love You” are timeless lyrics! Correct me if I am wrong:

"I Think I Love You"

(As recorded by the Partridge Family/Bell)

TONY ROMEO

I was sleeping and right in the middle of a good dream

Like all at once I wake up from something that keeps knocking at my brain

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head

And spring up in my bed screaming out the words I dread

I think I love you

This morning I woke up with this feeling

I didn't know how to deal with and so I just decided to myself

I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it

And did not go and shout it when you walked into the room

I think I love you

I think I love you so what am I so afraid of

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of

Though it worries me to say that I never felt this way

I don't know what I'm up against

I don't know what it's all about

I got so much to think about

Hey, I think I love you so what am I so afraid of

I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for

I think I love you isn't that what life is made of

Though it worries me to say I never felt this way

Believe me you really don't have to worry

I only wanna make you happy and if you say "hey go away" I will

But I think better still I'd better stay around and love you

Do you think I have a case let me ask you to your face

Do you think you love me?

I think I love you

I think I love you

(I think I love you)

I think I love you

(I think I love you)

I think I love you

(I think I love you)

I think I love you

(I think I love you).

(c) Copyright 1970 by Screen Gems-Columbia Music, Inc.

In retrospect it was the upbeat sound and lyrics of the bubblegum pop of the early to mid 70’s that helped keep my mind distracted from the chaos of divorce and all that that entailed (and most likely a little more than the average divorce in my case) when I was a kid. It’s amazing the therapeutic affect the whirly gig noise of teen idol-y music had during THIS crucial time in my life. The Osmonds, Partridge Family, The DeFranco Family, Jackson 5….even the Beatles pre-The White Album.

I remember my brother being a fan of The Beatles and can even still see the cover to an album he had before my parents split and we were still living in the house on Fenchurch as a “family” that he often played on a turntable he had in his room. “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, “Twist & Shout”, happy catchy, upbeat tunes. Then came, “I Think I Love You”, “Heartbeat, It’s a Love Beat”, “Puppy Love”, The Brady Bunch album with “Me and You and a Dog Named Boo” & “Sunshine Day”on it and the list rolls on.

Something I just realized as I write this, aside from the Beatles who acted much like a family unit at the time, how many of these pop groups were “families” real or imagined? The Osmonds, Jackson 5, DeFranco Family, Brady Bunch, (made-up TV family) , Partridge Family (Shirley Jones and David Cassidy were family even if the rest were not) or Sonny and Cher who appeared happily married...hmmmm? The coincidence of a family unit amongst these pop sensations might have been something I subliminally latched onto.

Some of the music is not so good, I admit it. The Brady Bunch stuff just did not survive the test of time like The Partridge Family or Jackson 5 did. Some of it is now

being played in TV ads that this generation has no clue of the first go-round of tunes such as “Rock Me Gently”. They see in their heads a squirrel singing in a Jeep driving down the country road and a wolf that almost “kills” the party in said Jeep. Great ad by the by.

Original Andy Kim:

Jeep ad Andy Kim:

A fond music related memory that comes to mind is of Miss Nowlin’s 1^st grade class. If you brought your favorite 45’s to class, there was a turntable where you could play the record during break/nap time with headphones on so as not to disturb those that chose to nap (something I rarely did then and even today). I had a copy of the Jackson 5’s Rockin’ Robin and nearly wore it out. I remember other kids wanting to borrow my Rockin’ Robin 45 and for the first time in my life felt a sense of community amongst others…my 1^st grade classmates.

The first years of one’s life make a major imprint in one’s heart and soul which is why a song like Andy Kim’s “Rock Me Gently” or The Archies, “Sugar Sugar” makes me smile today even though the first time I heard these songs, chaos was going on in my lil’ kid world. These songs acted as pain medicine decades ago and they still work for me today in the same way.

My mother was one of those many women obsessed with Neil Diamond at the time all hell was breaking loose and if she’d had one too many, you could pretty much count on Neil Diamond Gold: Live at the Troubadour spinning round and round over and over on the turntable. There are faint memories of falling asleep to that album playing in the den until all hours of the night when I was barely 5 years of age. There was a time when any song from that album could evoke some really intense emotions in me. Now all of those songs have come to feel like family reminding me of a sweeter time before things got so complicated in my family’s home oh so many years ago.

I remember an evening after my father and brother had already moved out of the house and my mother had left me alone to do whatever it was she did back then. I had been sleeping in her king size bed (instead of my own room she was trying to get me to sleep in) with her polyester orange blanket with satin trim…orange was so popular in the early 70’s or maybe it was just her favorite color… and I woke up to Johnny Carson on her tv. I did not compute that it was night time. I thought it was time to get up for school, got myself dressed and started eating my corn puffs or Captain Crunch, that part I don’t remember but it was cold cereal,nonetheless. There was a yellow transistor radio in the den that I would turn on and I remember the song, YOUR SONG by Elton John playing in the background as I sat there eating my “breakfast” as my father came in the back door to pick me up to take me to my grandmother’s home because my mother would not be returning that particular night. Years later, my father told me how his heart broke a little seeing how confused I was yet so committed, dressed and ready for school, eating my breakfast when it wasn’t even midnight. He began to monitor everything going on in the house to make sure of my safety. It would have been about then that he thought it best to get custody of me but that would take some time.

I am in no way ashamed of turning up an oldie’s station when “Sugar Sugar” comes on.

You should see me dancing with the cat to some feel-good Partridge Family song off of a greatest hits CD on any possible given night as I try to lighten my mood when the heaviness of the world is getting to me. Long ago, I had a tendency to pop a “Partridge Family Greatest Hits” cassette tape into tape decks at parties after whoever was in charge of the music had had one too many just to see people’s faces light up to “C’mon Get Happy!” I did it once at a theatre after-party that Andi Allen (a super cool actress in Dallas) was attending and then the next time I saw a show she was a part of, guess what I heard in the set of chosen pre-show music? A few Partridge Family tunes! She came up to me and said that she had forgotten how fun their music was. I was highly flattered. See…not everyone makes fun of me…some cross over to the dark side and embrace the sweet sweet sound of bubblegum!